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You are not alone, this is common with many CAH children. My daughter (age 6) surprised me with the comment that she was born a boy but turned into a girl. She did have surgery and remembers how her body was before. I explained that she has always been a girl and was born as a girl. She then said she wished she was a boy. I asked why and she said that boys have neater stuff. She has always played rough & tough and loves action heros. I've talked to her lots and understand that her concern is that she doesn't fit into the mold that most other girls do. It really is about what she likes to play with and the activities she likes. I have always encouraged her to play with whatever she is comfortable with and give the message that it is OK to be herself. It's fusterating that society gives our kids mixed signals of what is appropiate or not. My grandson likes to play dolls with his sister and has dressed up in girls clothes at playtime. When I pointed this out to my daughter it made sense to her that it was OK to like other things as my grandson is very much a boy..... and no one has ever confused his gender. She figured if he can play with girl things and its ok then she can play with boy things. I really do dislike the term boy things & girl things, sterotyping our kids can do so much damage to kids that don't fit into the norm...whatever that is.
I considered counselling for my daughter but realized that I was the one that probably needed the help and not her. I also do not want to involve her in counselling focused on this issue because she might get the wrong message and think something is wrong with the way she is. I'm quite amazed at the confidence she has in herself. Whenever we go to Mcdonalds she asks the counter person for the boy toy cause they are more fun to play with.
I have felt sad about not shopping in the Barbie aisle and when I look at all the cute little dresses I've bought that rarely get worn I feel bad. Then I realize it is my hangup and not hers. I chastize myself for feeling this way because she is such a wonderful kid and is so all right!!!
It is helpful that now that she is getting older we can talk about these things and I try and not assume anything. I'm learning to question her and find out what she is thinking. Being able to talk about anything openly and honestly is so important.
