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15 and Anticipating cosmetic surgery Feb. 10th, 2004 10:30pm
Hi. I'm sure you have seen my message posted at another thread. I'm having a hard time dealing with my CAH for many reasons. I get the, what seems like "regular feelings" from people my age with CAH. I have just recently come to the age where I ask questions about my disorder and have finally come to terms that I shouldn't be embarrased to talk to my parents about it. Even with my Endo doctor, I still have many questions that I feel could only be answered by someone who has experienced what I'm going through. In some ways, I feel that I have it better than a lot of people that have what I have. Genetically, physically, and psychologically, I am a girl. This doesn't seem to supress the feelings of being different like I thought it would. I've only got one friend that I trusted enough to explain my disorder to. It makes me feel selfish to know that I look at this as a huge negative in my life. In all reality, I am very lucky. I was diagnosed with non-SW CAH at 11 months old. As much as my doctors tried to convince my mother to have cosmetic surgery on me, she said that she wasn't going to "gender lable" me. She decided to leave it up to me to decide whether or not I wanted cosmetic surgery or not. Just recently, I decided I want to have to done. As much as I see that people on this message board don't like to go into detail about physical deformities, I'm willing to do so. If I offend anyone, just send me an e-mail and I will have the post taken down. I was born with an enlarged clitoris. As I got older and bigger, so did it. Even though I have never seen a penis, I have a preconcieved notion that I have one. I don't get male erections or anything, but just by the way male sex organs have been described to me in school, it seems to me that I may have one. I've heard it from a doctor and my parents that this is false. The only reason I have a hard time listening to my doctor, is because until I was eleven, I was told that with this disorder automatically comes homosexuality. That seemed to be a big problem with why I can't trust what my doctor has to say. I am stubborn about this disorder and I don't want to have it. For six months, I acutally went without my Cortef. I don't know if anyone has any idea about this but I sure would appriciate some positive outlooks. Having this disorder coupled with Major Depression and possible mental illness makes it even harder to deal with. I need to find a way to fully accept that this doesn't make who I am. I'm willing to listen to anyone so please feel free to e-mail me.
