It's really incredible how everything you ladies are saying is exactly the emotions I experience. I am fortunate it enough that I have 2 female friends who I feel rather comfortable with discussing my situation. Although they seem compassionate, none of them know could even fathom what it's like, but you girls can.. unfortunately :(
It's nice to know that we are not alone.
As for the surgery I had last year, I was in the hospital for 2 or 3 days. It was real close to exam time and it was difficult to tell my school friends why I had to take a week off, as I went to school in a different city and they had no idea about things, other than the fact I took pills.
I had to take a week off for rest, and yes there was definately pain. One thing I will mention because it was never mentioned to me until like 2 days before surgery, you will need to purchase a stent. Mine is like a foam cylinder incased in a soft plastic bag with a tube and a ball barring which allows you to inflate the bag to help maintain your shape immediately after surgery. I was blown away when they told me they cost 600 and I was not told about this. I am in Canada, the hospital covered it in the end because they were able to use some loop hole or something.
It tough mentally and phsyically to cope with this all this, I will never be able to give birth vaginally, which has its pro's and cons. My Gyno tells me a guy would never be able to tell the difference, although I imagine she is only talking about the actual opening itself and not the clit / hood / labia stuff.
Once things had healed, quite a few weeks.. if not a 2 or 3 months, I was able to move to a solid dilator. I am still using it and it has been 18 months or so. I have found this also to be quite taxing mentally as I am impatient and just get fed up of it. It was very important to use this for 20 minutes a day, everyday. I was seeing my gyno (who was my surgeon) every 3 months. I now see her twice a year, which I am comfortable with, although soon it will be only once a year.
As for the first time having sex, at 24, it was certainly embarrasing for myself, he asked if I was saving myself for marriage, which realistically was definately not the case, and we just chalked it up to medical reasons because I couldn't go into detail about it.
It was dark so I guess he couldn't see the other stuff but it all worked for him, and maybe it will get better and I was just nervous so I didn't feel things so well. I hope so, but my hopes are slim. We have a lot of scar tissue which lessons our sensations. The first 1/3 of the vagina canal is the most sensitive and for us this is where most of the surgery takes place, definately at least if you have the surgery I had to get it widened.
I'm not sure what else to say really but I will try to check this thread every few days so we can all be here for each other.
