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There was no smirk/ comment/ unprofessional move actually what gets me is the fake smiles. Every six months into the U of Mich/ CS Motts Endo Clinic --Glue Macaroni on to construction paper-- Go into a room allow residents to poke around in my genital area with sometimes the Head Endo Dr. Bacon doing the same exam again as the residents watched---then going to another room for blood draws never cried and then out the door. They pulled apart the area and try to put their fingers inside with one covering over one finger that looked like a small condom and i wasn't sick, didn't have an infection but was there for them every six months so they could judge what the surgeon did.
It's the actions of the exams that cause these feelings and parents being in the room only validates that all of this is supposed to happen. For me the surgery insulted my body/mind/ soul. It was an attack on an unassuming child. I wasn't in pain or bothered by how I looked and the psych dept agreed.
I knew what little boys looked like and I knew what little girls looked like and I liked how I was because children like themselves. Growing up the only people that wanted to see what I looked like were residents. As a child I would act out those exams in play and that is a messed up kid. At ten I thought about suicide after apologizing to one resident because his finger woundn't go in.I can describe what the man looked like to a tee. When I was eleven I shaved off the area pubic hair because an older friend said that's what her mom did. The resident was suprised to see that and I have a memory of that visit to this day where I can see but I'm not in my own body. I am messed up by how that hospital educated themselves on CAH, they go on how there better now and are thought of as wonderful by the likes of Alice Dreger. When John Money dies who with his studies made things worse, it will be a holiday but having him die isn't closer. When Dr. Bacon dies it wouldn't help me and when Dr. Coran dies it wouldn't me because I look at every day what he did to me. They meant well but what was done caused mental harm and they got away with it. It was their judgment and parents trusted them. I have another scar across the pelvic area that they put a cathader through because the surgery to my offensive genitals created a blockage and needed to heal. I'm lucky that it did heal but it's scary they were willing to risk me being incontenant because I didn't look how they thought i should.It would of been niced to of been clued in but my bodies integeraty wasn't a concern. Though shall do no harm doesn't apply to childern that are content with how they are born. Surgery was done I WAS TOLD so i could become pregnant? That's a lot to put on a child.
I'm not for or against surgery because each case and each family is different. I got the crap teased me because of the excessive hair that the doctors said was no big deal (went away in my 20's to an extent). Muscular like a guy or you could also say soccer chick thick and teased for that and actions like a guy where because of the surgery and all the focus in that area you try everything to avoid guy actions that other girls without CAH aren't judged upon if they do.
